00:05am

00.05am. 

I get up from the sofa and walk to the window.  Everything is silent.  No crunch of tires on gravel, no throaty growl from a powerful engine, just silence.

00.05am

My skin itches.  It’s as if something is trying to crawl out of it.  I realize I am chewing on what was once a perfectly manicured nail and force myself to stop.

00.05am

I return to the sofa and to my vigil.  On the table beside me lies my silent tormentor.  The phone.  I am scared of it.  I dread getting ‘the call’, the one that tells me he is never coming home.

00.05am

Has time frozen?  I’m sure an hour has passed and yet the clock doesn’t change.  Nervously I play with my wedding ring.  He should be home by now.  Dread sits deep inside me, heavy as lead.

00.05am

I thought I could handle this.  I went into this relationship with my eyes wide open.  I knew what he did, the risks involved.  Never in a million years did I think I would be feeling like this.

00.05am

I trust him.  I trust his colleagues, his friends.  But so much can go wrong.  What if tonight is the night?  What if his luck has run out?  What if…what if…

And just when I think I have finally lost my mind, the room is filled with the glow of headlights.  I will not rush to the door.  The lights go out, the engine dies.  I hear a soft click as the car door is shut.  Next is the sound of a key in a lock.  I let out a breath I never knew I was holding.  Tonight his luck held out.

00.06am

He is home.