If Only You Knew

I lie on my bed, the stereo on low, gazing at your photo.  I feel the tears tracking down my face.  I know it’s silly to cry, and yet I can’t help it.  If only you knew.

Tonight, in two hours time, I have to be at work.  I can’t face it tonight.  I can’t bear the false smiles.  I can’t bear not to have you.

I reach for my make-up and start to hide the pain.

It hurts so much.  A stabbing pain right in my heart.  That’s how much it hurts to love you.  If only you knew.

Why do you have to be so far away?  When I need you.  Need to touch you.  Need to hold you.  You’re not here.

People never see the real me.  I never let them see past the carefully staged show.  The oscar winning performance that goes on night after night.  I have no desire for the show to end.  There is no reason unless you’re by my side.

When you told me you were going away my heart splintered.  You didn’t know how long you were going for; a year, maybe two.  You said you’d understand if I didn’t wait for you.  What you couldn’t understand was that you had just broken my world in two.

I managed to drag myself into the bathroom.  I’ve no enthusiasm for anything anymore.  Only your letters make me come alive again.

As I brush my hair I cast a sideways glance at my reflection.  The painted on smile, the false glowing cheeks and sparkling eyes.  The show is nearly complete.  It’s amazing what a layer of make-up can hide.

I walk to the pub.  Outside I see a figure sitting in the shadows.  As I approach the figure moves into the light.  My world is complete.  The show can end.

As you take me in your arms the final curtain comes down.  I smile as you say just four small words.

“I’m here to stay.”