I still can’t believe that it’s over. That you’ve walked out of that door for the final time. How can you just walk out on all the good times we’ve had together over these past five years?
‘You swept the broken years away, just like a brand new broom…’
I look around the room. Everything holds so many memories of you.
‘When I’m awake or sleeping, when I’ve got things to do, why does everything I see remind me of you?..’
The furniture, the carpets, the curtains, all the things we spent so much time choosing together. The things that made a house a home. But now all there is is an empty shell. This house that used to hold so much laughter, so much love. Now all it holds are painful memories.
I lie in our bed at night. It seems so empty without you. I miss you being there.
‘My heart keeps me awake as loud as it beats, and I’m sure I feel your skin between the warm silk sheets…’
Remembering all the parties we went to together. A couple. Many times people commented on how happy we looked. You always used to tell them that it was our love that kept us going when the others gave up.
Our wedding was the happiest day of my life. We’d been together two years. Two beautifully happy years. You promised to love me to death then. I suppose you did really, because when you walked out on me my heart just died.
The reception party, surrounded by our friends and family, celebrating that you would be by my side forever.
‘The room grows hazy and the people grow loud, I’m sure I hear your voice above the madding crowd…’
We decided not to have children. You had a successful career with good promotion prospects. You had great plans for our future, and children didn’t feature anywhere in the coming years.
I respected your wishes and went on the pill, even though secretly I longed to have our child. I didn’t want to risk losing you. Maybe that’s why you were so mad when you found out I was pregnant. I hadn’t planned it, I just forgot to take the pill. It was only the once, but I still got caught out.
I hoped that you would change your mind about the baby. I couldn’t have been more wrong.
You began to come home late. You said you were doing overtime at the office. I trusted you because I didn’t want to lose you. Little did I know that I’d lost you already.
Then one day I fell ill. They rushed me to hospital, but it was too late. I had miscarried our baby.
You called in at the hospital that night and that was when you told me. You told me that you didn’t love me anymore, that you’d found someone else. You were leaving me. You wanted a divorce.
When I came home from hospital you had packed most of your things and left the divorce papers on the dining room table. You didn’t even say you were sorry. You just walked out of my life for good.
‘And even though I think of you, life goes on…’
I Grieve... 